From hookups to relationships: what have I been thinking?

As a divorced 30-year-old man, I thought I am done with relationships and marriages. My marriage was quite a disaster, in which my wife nearly killed me. Once a loving couple we were, we shared two years of quality time before I found her cheating on me with my work partner. Raising in a happy and intact family, I was quite devastated towards such situation, I decided to give her a chance. But my complaint and my inner heart gave me away. I just couldn’t let it go even though I promised I would never talk about it again, but it still acted like a ticking bomb in my heart, which could explode anytime. Several months later, I found a tie in the bag of my wife. I couldn’t stand it any longer. We fought badly and after that, a divorce was set.

After my failed marriage, I decided to have fun only, mainly by having one night hookup with different kind of people, girls, couples, more people, etc. I have to admit, it was fun at first. You get to interact with different people everyday and have different experiences each time. In the meantime, it wasn’t just about sexual activities, it is also about change of opinions. You would be amazed to find out how different two person can be and how similar they can be as well. I lived a wild and swinging life for nearly two years, until I got tired of it too.

Tinder hookup is something favored by many people, mostly those who are committed in a relationship or once in one, because it is fresh to us. Freshness is all it has to attract people. Being able to deal with different strangers everyday is a little bit challenging, but also fun and exciting. However, once you did it too much, you will find they become all the same again, just like the old routine going all over again. Hitting up, flirting, talking, kissing, touching, undressing each other, lying in one bed, never seeing each other again. Maybe we would do it with someone for more than once, but it is still the same routine going on. The worst thing is every time you get out of a one night hookup, you will find yourself all alone again. You are always alone. There was a period of time when I kept hunting for hookups on free hookup apps just to keep me busy and keep the feeling of loneness away from me. It was desperate and despairing. I hate myself for it. That is also when I realized why relationships are so important for us.

We human-beings are social animals both inside and outside. We need friends and also life partners. Admit it or not, without a constant significant other, you will always have a sense of incompleteness in your heart, even for the never-married group pf people. So after you have enough fun, find someone for you.